Broken, Different, Shame Filled and Guilty ~ and Then…

 

Broken, Different, Shame Filled and Guilty ~ and Then…

We find each other when we are ready to face some of the abuse that happened to us. We search for others in order not to feel so alone ourselves. We enjoy the camaraderie, the feeling of being understood and our common bonds. There is a unity, a common bond and an understanding that we don’t feel with everyone.

I felt different for so many years. I felt like I didn’t fit in, like I didn’t belong and I thought there was something wrong with me. I felt guilty for not being grateful, for not being happy and was ashamed of the depressions that I struggled with. I didn’t realize they were born out of the childhood abuse events that had not been taken care of properly.

I sought others who had suffered abuse worse than the abuse that I suffered so I could tell myself to stop complaining about what happened to me. This did not help me at all. I only talked about one abusive event in my life and I shrugged my shoulders when I even thought about some of the violence that I lived in, as if to say “ah, it was no big deal”. I had attempted to talk to a few professionals about my past, but I was often met with a neutral attitude, which really just affirmed to me that I was making too big a deal out of my story. I had always been told by my family that I was dramatic. One day when I was at the end of my rope, I decided to try one last mental health professional and something happened that became the beginning of my recovery.

Last week I published a blog post on the blog “Emerging from Broken” about the first session I had with that same therapist who eventually took me from shattered and broken, to wholeness and freedom. At the time of this writing there are 29 comments on that post. It really stirred up some feelings within my readers, and I thought I would share it with you here as well.

I called it “My Therapist Winced when I told him…..” I hope you stop by to read it and the comments that it generated from other survivors too.

Wishing you Freedom and Wholeness,

Darlene Ouimet

 

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One thought on “Broken, Different, Shame Filled and Guilty ~ and Then…

  1. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I am here for you. No matter how small or grand the abuse was it is important to acknowledge it so that you can feel and then heal. I suffered from abuse way too many times and every time I told myself it was no big deal. Stuffing it down and trying to make it seem small only made it manifest into some other type of illness or suffering. I have learned to talk through each and every episode so that I can go through the feeling process and then I decided to forgive each of my offenders for my own sake. i found that each time I said I forgive something in me changed. It was like I began to heal again. I am not saying to jump straight to forgiveness or that you have to even forgive at all. I am just stating what has worked for me. I needed to go through each of the feelings and allow them to “be” then work my way through each step in order to grow and get to the next one. It is a long and tough process but it is so worth it. Also, YOU are worth it to know that abuse, no matter what form, is not okay and it is okay to make a big deal about them for the time that you need. Once you allow yourself to see that what happened to you was not okay you will start to see what feelings come up, deal with them, move on, grow, and eventually heal. I wish you nothing but abundant blessings and lots of healing. You will see that you are a stronger and greater person for having to go through all of these issues. Eventually you will even see that you are a better person for going through this. Right now it may not seem that way but one of these days it just might.
    All my love,
    Kimmy
    http://www.withoutalabel.me

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