march 24 2008


poems i wrote
Current mood: contemplative

A stabbing pain runs through my head

with hopeless thoughts penetrating

its so hard to pretend

but i have never felt so much agony

life without them is so empty

thoughts of my suicide make me content

there seems to be no meaning to continue on with my life

when everyday every breathe i take i feel this way

i wish that things didnt happen this way

i have always just wanted to succeed

but how can you when no one has ever wanted you to

they all just want you to continue to go on in misery

do they really love to see me suffering from so many failures

when will this all enad and i no longer feel this despair

or maybe they all all just trying to push me

to see how much i can take before i succeed in ending my life

keeping all my sorrow and suffering ablled up inside

trying ot keep it hidden so no one will see

no one seems to understand how much my life has been a living hell

i have tostart built some stronger walls

begin to put on my mask and act and also appear content

inside i may feel as if i am in pieces

but on the outside everyone needs to see differnet

i will build my wall high and where my mask and not let anyone in

pretend i am at peace and have risen above

dont let anyone know whats really in my head

when i try to explain alls they do is critisize

whatever i say no one wants to believe

so i will pretend to them all

i am well and on my way that my life has changed

i will hide this agony and bury it deep pretend to be strong

when i am good and ready the rage i hide will come out on myself

out of the blue when no one sees it coming

i will end my life and finally prove my courage


i sat there hoping for another chance

to be mom to you

hoping that i could hold you in my arms

so i could comfort you

let you know everythings going to be alright

i was such a fool to believe this would ever happen

my hopes and dreams have been shattered

i am drowning in misery

dreaming dreams of us being happy together

i would wipe your tears from your saddened heart

if we were not apart

i dont believe i will ever be happy

i feel i will always be miserable as long as we are seperated

the day that comes when you search for me

i hope will end my misery

my scars will remind me of all my misery

they remind me of the suffering and pain

all my tears and many fears

over so many years

my scars have just become a part of me

i am reminded of the days

when no one else understood

nothing else could take my pain away

they will be with me forever

when i am saddened and in despair

when my tears wont stop flowing

when the last time comes that i watch my best friend

help me through to my bitter end

know life has finally taken a toll

when the pills begin to kick in

the scars will be the last things i see

as i end my life and know they were a part of me

for they will always be there shining on me

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