august 9 2008

questions…change…things I want…confusion
Current mood: bored
Well I am looking to find myself. Within myself i want to create some innerpeace, contentment, hope, confidence, and serenity. I don’t want to be like everyone else but I do want some of what others have inside them. I want to feel secure in myself. I am sick of feeling so hopeless. I need to find things I like to do and be content with doing them. I do not want to do things just because others do them and feel content while doing them. I want to be happy and find happiness. How to find and do all this I am not sure about but identifying it all is my first step to accomplishing it. I do not want to do or say things just to feel accepted by others and to fit in. I am sick of doing that. i have done it my whole life and do not want to but am not sure how to change this. It is just something I have always done from as far back as I can remember. It seems to just come naturally. Like atomatic I dont even have to try to be what others want or act how others act. i dont even think about it counsciously I just do it. But how do I stop it and acknowledge to myself when it is happening. How do I recognize when I am doing something or saying something just to belong or fit in. I want to change. I want to find out who I am. I want to discover my true self but where and how do I start?


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