august 27 2007

challeges of the future or will i fail again
Current mood: contemplative
I am trying to contemplate on wether i am strong enough emotionly and whether i should continue to fight or should i give up and let go of the only thing i feel i have left to live for even if there probably is not any chance that i will win…should i continue to to grab at straws or let go…10 days ago was the hardest day of my life so far…i had to say goodbye to my 5 yr old daughter and who knows when i will see her again if i ever will again…the day before that i said goodbye to my to babies my 2 yr old daughter and my 3 yr old son…i continue the battle for my 6 yr old only i can see him and he dont understand why and dont know i am still fighting for him…i feel so hopeless and alone…i feel like i have failed them all…a little less then a month ago i tried to kill myself over this and failed again…i fail at everything i do in life…i have never succeeded at anything…when will it all end…when will my life end…how is it i cant even succeed at taking my own life and i have failed at suicide several times what am i doing so wrong…why am i such a failure…why have i been a failure my whole life


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