november 2 2007

ranting
Current mood: bitchy
I am in fear as I no longer believe my life is going to be bearable. I continue to envision my final minutes of life and no matter what i do to try to change my thoughts and distract my mind away from these suicide thoughts alls i can continue thinking about about and alls that keeps racing through my head are several visions of myself inseveral of numerous different suicide attempts looking for the one final answer to my pain.I am looking for finality.I frantically scan the room with my eyes looking for an aswer and for a way to escapes these torturous images flashing through my mind. I continue trying to distract my mind away from them but i can not seem to control them. I so much need a razor to slice my skin to help control these thoughts a bit and calm with the racing and slow my mind down a bit. Why is my thoughts taunting me this way? I want to run and hide escape this pain I feel inside. I feel so ashamed I need and want to die. I dont want to go through this anymore please someone take this all away.

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