october 27 2007

poetry i wrote 2 weeks ago (SI TRIGGER)
Current mood: guilty
this is my last goodbye

as i slice my wrist open

i can feel the blood draining

my tears are all dry

i no longer have to cry

realizing theres not much time

i close my eyes

knowing the agony will soon be gone

as i lay here peacefully

waiting to die

deep inside my soul is just one big empty hole

no matter what i try to fill it up with

nothing seems to ever satisfy my soul

theres no hiding the agony i feel for long

i dont think i can ever move on

this devastation i have caused myself

will alldisappear when i am finally dead and gone

i think about trying to end it it all

not knowing the future and not caring about it at all

i feel like crying letting all the pain just flow out

my tears are no longer flowing they have all dried

as my mind begins to wander i am feeling so low

my thoughts start racing i i just want to go

end all my pain no one will ever know how it is

to want to die so much but yet be a coward laying here

unable to follow through because u have so much fear

hoping someone else would do it for you

because the pain is so hard to bare.

please take my pain away

i an not take things for another day

this world is so cold and dark

alone with no babies left to hold

how much more misery must i endure

why wont they all just try and see

how much all the agony is torture to me

when will everyone understand

my dying would be a blessing in disguise

when a life is not worth living

why keep holding onto it day by day

when your left here all alone

with nothing left but a broken soul

i try to bury all the pain inside

but sometimes it all becomes too much for me to hide

i begin drowning in misery with no hope

i find there is only one way for me to cope

bleed like so many times before

as i watch my blood begin to pour

my begins draining from the vein

maybe someday i will end all my pain

when that day finally arrives

i pray that i will not live or survive

as i think of all my pain buried inside

i long to feel my blood flow out

so i can escape my agony

it gets so hard to go through without

without the blade that helps me get away

i long to feel your edge as i run you against my skin

but i know that i deserve to feel all this misery that i am in

without you around i find it hard to breathe

you have gotten me through the hardest of times

when will they all see that you never have been a sin

you have been nothing to me except a a great friend

friends help friends through the toughests of times

when i am feeling down or blue i know you will be there

you get me through the biggest of fear

you are there for me when no one else is here

when i bleed out all of my sins

you leave a memory with me on my skin

i wish i had you here with me now

i lay here enduring this pain

needing you with me to help me through

like so many times before you were my way out

my life is broken my dreams are shattered

when they were around you never had mattered

you help me through all my shame

i need you more and more each day

the relief from my blood flowing from my vien

i need you near to take away all my fear

i want to escape these agonizing feelings

i wont have to cry when my blood appears

i know with you i dont have to feel these feelings

i need you near to help me breathe

you will help me succeed and take away all my fear

as i make the first cut i wont no tears

knowing my blood will slowly appear

as i continue to bleed all my pain will begin to lift

i know my mind needs an escape

there goes the bad draining out of my veins

feeling a rush in my head i wish i was dead

slashing myself more and more feeling no pains

i feel so numb and no longer do i hurt

although you are my drug

you are always there when i need to run

i run and hide to avoid all my pain i feel inside

i begin crying as i think about dying

i yearn to escape myself and from from me

wish i could slice open my wrist

watch as my veins drain out endlessly

now i just want to close my eyes

i relize now i am ready to die

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