september 5 2007

ups and downs as the days go by
Current mood: numb
as the days go by i have many ups and downs…more downs than ups but i am hanging by a thread still trapped in this life…trapped in a world where society has there views and if any of mine differ from the mojority then i must be abnormal… although what exactly is normal…who decides nomalcy…why is it that as much pain and misery i feel i still cant let go to feel better…how do i forgive myself for all the things that happened to me as a chilld and how can i forgive those people who violated me and made me feel so much pain…how will my children ever forgive me for having them and them being taken from me…how do i forgive myself for my inadequecies…how can i forgive anything when alls i want to do day in and day out is lay down and die…i pray each night before i fall to sleep that god not allow me to wake to another day and endure this misery anymore…i pray he take me…although i feel this way i obviously am a coward since i have not been able to accomplish my own demise rather then praying god take me…

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