Look what I think

Monday, December 10, 2012 at 10:19PM

Found out today from Kelsey who is the social worker for my son Daniel through an email in response to my letter that Daniels foster family made a decision this past summer to adopt him and the adoption is in process.

This saddens me deeply but at the same time it gives me some peace. It puts finality to my hope I had of fighting to get him back before he is 18. It makes me happy that he can feel wanted and fully belong to a family like his siblings have. But I am saddened none of them see or correspond with each other. It hurts me still that my 5 children cannot be together and are separated with the exception of the girls. I understand the reasoning behind their families wanting to give them as much a normal life as possible but the kids know they have siblings and birth families out here and that’s not something that can be stolen from them. So why pretend they don’t and refuse contact. As much as I hope they are all happy I also am not happy without them and with knowing they have families that don’t include me!

Daniel was always special. He saved me from myself when I was in a destructive phase I saw no way out of. He was given to me for a reason! Daniel saved my life! Finding out I was pregnant with him made me stop my destruction. It created hope in me I never had before that. It gave me strength to stand up to my mother and fight my demons which I was using to destroy myself. His birth changed my life forever and ultimately he is a main reason I still breathe today.

This news came as a shock to me since his foster parents had not wanted to adopt him and had continually wanted just to have him and care for him. They didn’t want the full responsibility of his care. They feared their inability to provide him all he needed. Yet out of the blue right before new legislation is to go into law where lawmakers will change the system in Virginia to make it possible for children such as Daniel and parents such as myself could be brought back together. Now they suddenly changed their mind to prevent this all.

I hope this does not backfire on my son and cause him harm just because they didn’t want him with me. I hope they truly love him care for him and want him until he is 18 when I can take back my role as mother to him and help provide him with whatever I can that he needs at that time and in the future. I want what’s best for him and tube rest of them even if I feel detriment from it.

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