july 3 2008

trying to stay hopeful but feel hopeless
well i am trying to stay hopeful about a place i am going to look at this weekend on saturday…it is in the country sorta well really is but not like in the boonies miles and miles away from society and a friend of mine lives not too far away from it so i am really hoping to get it but on the other hand nothing in my life ever works out the way i hope it will and i am never lucky enough to get anything i want in life so i feel kinda hopeless about it…i feel it will be a very positive change in my life and i may be able to begin to live rather than just continuing to get by… i want to be able to get this place and set it up as my own and have a place where i feel safe secure and comfortable…i want to begin to get some peace and serenity in my life and i believe this is my opportunity to begin working on all this but i feel like nothing ever works out for me like i am destined to always be miserable and never have anything i want or hope for…i pray god have his will and if his will is for me to have this place then he will provide that will…i ask him for help in showing me the way to a better more productive positive and hopeful life…i ask him to change my ways of viewing my experiences and the tribulations i have gone through and am still fighting to get through…lord i ask you to show me the way…i pray that he see my pain and help me find some light rather than always seeing dark and feeling hopeless…i thank god for allowing me to still have one child i can see in my life and not taking them all from me…i thank him for proving me with some shelter over my head where i can sleep at night and not be afraid of being hurt by another person in the community while i am asleep…i thank him for providing me with food to continue to live because some people in the world have not had food for days…i thank him for putting people in my life that understand and have hope for me even when i dont and i thank him for the people he has allowed in my life that need help even though i am not strong enough myself to provide them with the help they need but in due time i maybe strong enough with gods help to help them…amen…..this my prayer and i know i may not be good at praying all the time of in the prescence of others but i do prayer and need to start believing and prayer more…i hope everone has a blessed day and that they are able to be provided for in there time of need.


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