may 10 2009

i guess i am doin need ot get some sleep would like to sleep the rest of today and not waken up until monday but i know that wont happen i actually prefer nto to wake up at all but i have no luck when it comes to that…i also am supposed to drive to the airport in nc to pick up my son cause my brother does not feel liek going to get him even though he lives with him and he has custody they never want to do anything for or with the kid… they do not even get the kid what he needs like glasses that he has not had since he busted them back in october or therapy which he needs and his pdoc has been harrassing them about getting him but they have not gotton them…so i guess i am going to have to drive the 3 hours there and then 3 hours back and his flight supposed to be in at 6:55pm but then my mom says that he may not be coming bakc because my sisters boyfriend left her and moved in with another girl and is selling drugs and has a gun that he bought but is in my sisters name and he took the babies check and left them with no diapers and did not pay the bills or rent and all this shit which there oldest daughter just turned 4 last weekend which is why my son went there and she has autism and then they have one that is turning 2 but i went through the same shit back january 2003 with my husband except he pressed kidnapping charges on me and had me arrested and lied to get emergency custody and all and my mother sits there ont he phone tonight saying poor destin y she should not have to go through this and all this bullshit but when i was going through it all and had a miscarriage becaus eof it all no one cared and my kids ended up in social services and everything but yet my mom is going to help her move back to mass from missouri and hel;p her with the kids but yet when i was going through it akll and fought and got my kids back and then lost them again she didnt care and didnt help then last minute she came her to try to file for custody only for the judge to say she had had nothing to do with them this whole time so denied her custody and i lost mine forever but yet she stands by the other kids and always helps all them. i am angry and hurt right now i want to cry i want to feel something more than i am feeling i want an escape i need an escape i need to run from all thjis shit and to toip it off my brother is in psych unit at the hospital in mass for overdosing and trying to jump off bridge and my mother has been there to visit him everyday all week and never gives too shits when i am in hosital not even when i a, icu for days sometimes 7 on monitors and ivs and all that i have never been cared about or loved but yet they can do what they want steal from her threaten her use her and commit crimes and so on and so forth and she still jumps for them but hates me and always has she has never loved cared about or wanted me i hate my life


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