Its been a long time since I have written just to write

In life there are struggles and many ups and downs. My life has seemed to have more downs than ups but I still survived them. I will continue to survive life’s twists and turns as I venture through my life paths. I am not perfect and I make way more mistakes than I would like to admit. However, where I am currently in my life is far better than where I was just 5 years ago. I finally nerved up and moved from Virginia where I never believed I could because I wanted to be there when my kids come find me when they each turn of age when they are allowed to. I could not move out of emotional entrapment done to myself by my own mind. I finally worked through that and moved here to Upstate South Carolina about 8 months ago. I am not happy where I currently am though. I don’t know anyone here really and I have no friends. The so called family that is here has only made it harder for e to be happy here and want to stay. I thought moving here could help my mother realize I am her daughter, her oldest child, and I deserve better than the life she provided for me. Unfortunately because of my traumatic childhood in which she was part of creating I have PTSD and it has caused me more anxiety being around her and the narcisstic behaviors and things she says. Her own victimization when I try to address something creates animosity within the relationship and causes a complete attitude from her of shutting me out of her life like she did most my growing up. She never really had to take care of me when I was young. I was raised by a system from a very young age, though not young enough not to suffer from the effects of abuse. So when something happens I try to talk to her by text about it only for her to deny and invalidate my experience and then attack me. I get defensive and bring out the things she has done to harm me in my life and she feels she owes no apology, she was a young mother is her excuse, and she’s moved on and so she says I need to move on and forget all that. I cannot just forget. Much of my life is a mystery and blank to me because of the trauma I have just forgotten. But when triggered I experience emotional triggers and flashbacks more than actual flashbacks and triggers of the actual physical and sexual abuse. Anyway I was doing emotionally well and protected myself by not being around her and limiting my contact with siblings and other family that increased my triggered emotions until I moved here. Now I am stuck here for the remainder of the year until my lease ends and I can move elsewhere. I however never wanted to move back to Massachusetts because I felt that was moving backwards in life. now I want to go back to Virginia because the last 8 months I lived there I met some awesome people and created great support system and friendships I dont want to lose. I also really wanted to move to the beach which in Virginia is 3 hours or more away from my friends and I still would be lost there like I have been here in SC without friendship and supports. In Massachusetts I have friends too friends I have had for years even though I left there 11 years ago, I was raised there and know lots of people and could have support there too. There I would be closer to the beach or even could look for a place at the beach. I could also just start over in a completely whole new state on a beach and hope to get a group of awesome friends like I have in Virginia that are accepting, friendly, care, loving, and very supportive. Though I have a lot of good about moving back to the area I moved friend in Virginia there is some bad. it puts me back in an area that’s close to siblings that are just like their mother and have many traits of their father manipulation, lies, no values, selfish, and narcissism. I would however be close to where I was when I lost my kids and would be near for them to find me. But with the internet nowadays they should be able to find me easily since I keep an online presence everywhere I go. Also I like gardening and want to go somewhere and be able to garden still. I have thought about staying in SC and just moving to the beach which is atleast 3-4 miles away currently from where I am and that will give me the independence and space away from those that live here I want away from. I have never been out west like the western shore board near the beaches there or down south like Florida beaches either. Those could be options I look into to. But right now I am very unsure and confused on what to do and where to go from here. Anyone have any suggestions or further information that could help in y decision I welcome your voices.

15 August, 2011 00:55

 

COMMITMENTS :  Cutting the Cord :  Saying goodbye to your therapist can elicit bad feelings–unless it’s handled right. Then the parting can be a chance for growth.

December 04, 1995|LIBBY SLATE | SPECIAL TO THE TIMES
You’ve been in psychotherapyfor a while and feel your therapist just isn’t meeting your needs anymore, so you decide it’s time for a change. Or perhaps it is your therapist who is moving on–leaving town, going on maternity leave, retiring because of age or illness.Whatever the reason for bidding adieu, when the two of you part company, you’re not just breaking off with a mental-health professional. Therapy involves transference, in which you transfer feelings about important figures in your life onto the therapist. So you’re also saying sayonara to your mother, your father, significant others past and present, best friend, maybe a sibling or two–so many people it’s a wonder you can all fit into one office.

That period of wrapping up therapy and saying goodbye is known as “termination,” a word that evokes images of being fired from a job or being stalked by Arnold Schwarzenegger. But mental-health experts consider termination a crucial stage in therapy.

If handled properly, it provides an opportunity to re-examine the issues that led the client to seek help in the first place, to evaluate the therapy itself and to deal with feelings that might bubble up in the face of bidding farewell.

A so-called natural termination, in which the two of you agree to end treatment because your goals have been met, is difficult enough. Who, after all, likes to say goodbye, especially to someone who has helped you so profoundly and so intimately? But a premature termination, where a dissatisfied client leaves without much notice or a therapist departs before the patient is ready, can be downright traumatic.

“It’s always best if people can have time to pay attention to the process of saying goodbye,” says Carl Shubs, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Beverly Hills. “If people leave too abruptly, it interferes with the process–they’re not able to deal with the sadness or anger, the mourning that occurs.”

Adds Sylvia Martin, a licensed marriage, family and child therapist in private practice in Sherman Oaks: “Termination is a time when people start to deal with all their losses. It can trigger feelings about old issues, or issues about the relationship between the therapist and client.

“If there is an old loss they have not grieved, they will tap in and experience the same feelings,” she says. “Maybe they had a feeling of abandonment when they were young and did not understand it. Or maybe they have not had the luxury before now of dealing with a loss–for example, going through a divorce with two kids.”

*

If it is the patient who says so long, a good therapist will try to determine if he or she wants out because the topics being discussed are becoming too painful. In those cases, the therapist will encourage the patient to remain, so as to work through the discomfort and resolve those issues.

Many times, though, the client is willing to slog through the hard stuff, but feels this particular therapist is less than able. Such was the case last year for Laura, 41, who works in the travel industry in Orange County and sought counseling for marital problems.

“I was therapy illiterate,” she recalls. “I had no basis for comparison. But I never felt I was getting help. I would drive home and think, ‘Why did I just go there?’ I didn’t expect a magic cure, but I was just begging my therapist, ‘Give me some tools to help me.’

“All she said was, I had to divorce my husband, which I wasn’t ready to do. I felt her attitude was, ‘You won’t take my advice, so I don’t know what to tell you.’ ”

Laura–who is still married and on better terms with her husband–found another therapist to her liking. But she stuck with her first counselor longer than she preferred to because, she says, “The last thing I wanted was to look for someone new to spill my guts to, to start over again.”

Indeed, for some people, leaving the current therapist is the easy part; it’s finding a new one that poses problems. Says Studio City writer Catherine Johnson, author of the book “When to Say Goodbye to Your Therapist” (Simon and Schuster, 1988), “Finding a new therapist is not like finding a new dentist. It’s extremely difficult to find a match.

“It’s a bit like finding a lover, or best friend, or a parent. You don’t just go out and find a new best friend. You have to find a real emotional fit, on top of basic competence.”

Lisa Moore, 34, a West Los Angeles advertising account executive, discovered that last year when she left the marriage and family counselor she had been seeing for 15 months because she thought the therapist had crossed the professional line and was becoming too friendly. After six weeks with a new therapist recommended by her physician, she decided to return to her former counselor.

http://articles.latimes.com/1995-12-04/news/ls-10124_1_bad-feelings

visit my website: http://www.lkg4btrlife.webs.com

 

Tolson 4 TEARS Research Sexual Abuse + Suicide Attempts

Tolson 4 TEARS Research Sexual Abuse + Suicide Attempts

Broken, Different, Shame Filled and Guilty ~ and Then…

 

Broken, Different, Shame Filled and Guilty ~ and Then…

We find each other when we are ready to face some of the abuse that happened to us. We search for others in order not to feel so alone ourselves. We enjoy the camaraderie, the feeling of being understood and our common bonds. There is a unity, a common bond and an understanding that we don’t feel with everyone.

I felt different for so many years. I felt like I didn’t fit in, like I didn’t belong and I thought there was something wrong with me. I felt guilty for not being grateful, for not being happy and was ashamed of the depressions that I struggled with. I didn’t realize they were born out of the childhood abuse events that had not been taken care of properly.

I sought others who had suffered abuse worse than the abuse that I suffered so I could tell myself to stop complaining about what happened to me. This did not help me at all. I only talked about one abusive event in my life and I shrugged my shoulders when I even thought about some of the violence that I lived in, as if to say “ah, it was no big deal”. I had attempted to talk to a few professionals about my past, but I was often met with a neutral attitude, which really just affirmed to me that I was making too big a deal out of my story. I had always been told by my family that I was dramatic. One day when I was at the end of my rope, I decided to try one last mental health professional and something happened that became the beginning of my recovery.

Last week I published a blog post on the blog “Emerging from Broken” about the first session I had with that same therapist who eventually took me from shattered and broken, to wholeness and freedom. At the time of this writing there are 29 comments on that post. It really stirred up some feelings within my readers, and I thought I would share it with you here as well.

I called it “My Therapist Winced when I told him…..” I hope you stop by to read it and the comments that it generated from other survivors too.

Wishing you Freedom and Wholeness,

Darlene Ouimet

 

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/12/09/ptsd.brain.kids.memory/index.html

 

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/12/09/ptsd.brain.kids.memory/index.html

(CNN) — Psychological trauma may leave a visible trace in a child’s brain, scientists say.

A new study published in the Journal of Pediatric Psychology found that children with symptoms of post-traumatic stress had poor function of the hippocampus, a part of the brain that stores and retrieves memories.

This is the first study to use functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI, to look at the function of the hippocampus in youth with symptoms of post-traumatic stress, researchers said. The findings are in line with what has been previously found in adults.

The study was led by Dr. Victor Carrion, and the senior author was Dr. Allan Reiss, both at the Center for Interdisciplinary Brain Sciences Research at Stanford University School of Medicine.

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a condition that children and adults develop in response to a traumatic event. Intrusive memories, increased anxiety and emotional arousal are some of the symptoms, and typically they begin within three months of a traumatic event, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Of youths who have experienced a traumatic event, 3 percent to 15 percent of girls and 1 percent to 6 percent of boys could get a PTSD diagnosis, according to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.

By contrast, an estimated 6.8 percent of the adult American population has had PTSD at some point, the department said.

The condition looks slightly different depending on age — young children may display “post-traumatic play” in which they repeat themes of the trauma, whereas adolescents may incorporate aspects of the trauma into their lives, carrying a weapon for instance. Also, adolescents are more likely than younger children or adults to exhibit impulsive and aggressive behaviors, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs.

Although the study shows only an association — not a cause-and-effect relationship — between this brain damage and post-traumatic stress, the study authors believe the abnormal hippocampus findings are the consequence of post-traumatic stress, not a risk factor for it, said co-author Brian Haas.

That explanation makes sense, given what is known about post-trauma, said Dr. Sanjay Gupta, CNN’s chief medical correspondent and a neurosurgeon. He was not involved in the study. One of the reflexes that can come after a traumatic event is forgetting it, meaning perhaps “the hippocampus shrinks to fade away memories,” he said.

“The flip side of it is that you have trouble with memory overall,” he said. “You wish you could just forget the event.”

Animal studies have shown that brain damage in mice occurs after a trauma has been induced, Haas said.

Gupta said the study is important as researchers try to pinpoint what happens in the brain anatomically when a person has a trauma-related disorder.

The study looked at 27 people ages 10 to 17, which is a reasonable sample size for an imaging study of how the brain functions, said Lisa Shin, associate professor of psychology at Tufts University, who was not involved in the study. Participants were divided into 16 young people who had symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and 11 normal youths.

Scientists scanned the participants’ brains while they completed a verbal memory test. They read a list of words, then looked at a similar set with additional words and had to remember which words were on the original list.

Participants with PTSD symptoms did worse on the recall portion and showed less activity in the hippocampus during that time than the control group members.

The young people whose hippocampus functioning was the worst were more likely to experience avoidance and numbing symptoms of PTSD — having difficulty remembering the trauma, feeling isolated and not displaying emotion.

Previous research had found that adults with PTSD tended to have a smaller hippocampus volume.

Measuring neural functioning in the brain can indicate the extent of symptoms that a person is experiencing after a PTSD diagnosis, and reflect the effectiveness of therapy, Haas said. In other words, if the hippocampus is functioning better, that may mean the treatment is working.

If there is enough evidence that the hippocampus is involved in PTSD, a treatment could, in theory, be targeted to it, Shin said. There is some indication that treatment with serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, is associated with memory improvement and increased volume of the hippocampus in adults with PTSD.

Shin and colleagues are working on a twin study to explore whether brain abnormalities in people with PTSD were pre-existing risk factors or the result of PTSD.

 

Confusion regarding DBT and Trauma Recovery

 

DBT Is based a lot about living in the moment and to a big degree, I totally agree with it. We cannot change our past. We can only control what is happening in the present. We can only control our own actions and reactions to things that are happening in the moment.

Here is where I am confused or unsure of regarding DBT and what I believe. DBT can be very helpful for people who have experienced trauma and sometimes DBT is all a trauma survivor needs to use to be able to cope and eventually live a productive life worth living. My confusion is when someone such as myself has been through DBT and used DBT but still feels a void and a need to open the Pandora’s box that has been closed for so long and face the secrets inside themselves using the skills taught by DBT to cope with the uncomfortable feelings these secrets bring up while opening the box and letting them out and sharing them.

Yes DBT says we cannot do anything about the past but our past is what has shaped us to be who we are now and will shape our future unless we deal with it and change how we think about it. DBT Talks about Radical Acceptance which is still probably the hardest DBT skill I have tried to practice and cannot honestly say that I understand it to the extent I need to but I believe I have a better understanding of it than I did back in 1998 when I attended my first DBT Skills Training group when I was 19 years old.

I no longer attend DBT skills training groups but I still see a therapist who runs one and trained in DBT. And at time she has asked me about the skills as a reminder to her regarding what a skill or two is and how best to describe to someone to practice it since she only did the training back in 2007 after I had been seeing her for about a year already and had been in and out of DBT for almost 10 years back in Massachusetts and here in Virginia they were just starting to implement it into the central Virginia area not long before I came here. So I actually take pride in knowing that my knowledge of DBT is needed here even if I it is just here and there. I hope to someday to be able to start and run a peer led DBT group.

They just opened a Peer run recovery walk-in center close by through the local community mental health center but it is run by 2 peer specialist one of who are in one of my human services classes at the local community colleges and I have been building conversation and repertoire with her and hope to bring it up to her someday possibly in the fall.